Saturday, April 30, 2005

Ugly poncho hell

Poncho hell

Honestly, I think the primary purpose of knitting magazines is to prove to all of us that we actually do have some sense of style and taste. I mean, really, by show of hands, who all would be caught dead in this abomination?

Not that ponchos aren't unflattering enough in their traditional diamond shape rendition, this one takes "makes you look like hell" to an entire new dimension. This, of course, is petty and jealous of me and I only write it because I'm a middle aged, overly broad broad who has absolutely no desire to look like a starting quarterback in the NFL. I mean, really, what the hell was whoever thinking when they dreamed up this debacle?

Now you have to admit, the finishing touch has to be the way it swoops up in the front, nicely framing and drawing the eye to that little pouch of floooooooffff right at the belly. If you've given birth, you all know what I mean, regardless of diet or exercise. Niiiiiice.

Why, can someone please explain to me what is the purpose of this design, save proving that the designer really, really hates women?

Okay, end of rant. The meds should kick in shortly and I'll feel just fine. In the meanwhile, I'm going to go yell at the cat. It's been a while.

Talk to you'se all laters; thanks for reading.

Oh, sorry, almost forgot to give credit where credit is due. That poncho and undoubtedly a full and detailed set of instructions for same can be found in this month's issue of Knit 'n Style. They should be paying me to not divulge that bit of information and I'll divorce any of you who go out and make it.

Liz, if you even think it, I'll post pictures on this 'Blog of you wearing it. You know I will...


At 11:40 a.m., April 30, 2005, Anonymous Karin said...

That really has to be about the ugliest poncho I've ever seen - and all of 'em are ugly! The only 'saving' grace is that the stripes are vertical. Can you imagine horizontal stripes on that monstrosity? I'll bet someone out there's done it, though

Happy house cleaning and photo shooting.

At 4:13 p.m., April 30, 2005, Blogger Kate, the Odd Ball Knitter said...

Per-xactly my thoughts...The only thing that could make this worse is horizontal stripes in that LionBrand Fun Fur.

Don't be snorting. Liz and I were somewhere which shall remain nameless and one of the items on display was an adult sized cardigan in Fun Fur or was it eyelash yarn? In any event, it was not an accent yarn. It was not something to add a little "poof" to a detail. It was the whole damn thing and it was done is 2 shades of brown...dark brown on top, mid brown in the middle, dark brown on the bottom.

For all the world, it looked exactly like one of those Fuzzy-Wuzzie catepillars that are around here in the fall.

I'm not exaggerating. You can ask Liz. She is my witness.

At 10:35 a.m., May 01, 2005, Anonymous Karin said...

We have those fuzzy brown caterpillars here too. The sad thing is, an entire cardi done out of fun fur would have cost a mint - they could have made it out of pure merino, or silk even, and it probably would have cost less. I'm not averse to using a wee bit of fun fur or other novelty shit as an accent, mostly for children, but really, that's as far as it should go. Probably whoever ultimately wore that caterpillar outfit wasn't 7'6" weighing 105 either...

At 12:34 a.m., May 03, 2005, Blogger Liz said...

god/goddess whatever--someone please bless the designer of that abomination.They sincerely need some help.By the way Kate you know I would never try to make that thing. How could I possibly afford to cover the rusian shot-put player chest with that much novelty yarn.

At 8:32 p.m., May 25, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ugly Poncho Hell is a hoot! Just had to let you know that your blog cracks me up!


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