Saturday, November 12, 2005

I've had better days

Nice idea but...

After several hours and countless attempts, the final score for the weekend is:

The Machine - 6
The OddBall - 0

Piss poor execution

Today’s exercise in frustration was trying to do a Fairisle scarf. It's listed in the damn kniting book as 'advanced beginner'. That would be the beginner with 30 years of experience kind of beginner.

Damned if I can figure out what in the name of ever loving blue blazes is wrong with this ever-blessed, utterly fornicated pile of unspeakable crap. It’s putting stitches in the wrong places. My theory is … well, this is supposed to be a family friendly column, so let’s leave it with the Possessed by Aliens Theory. It’s the only reasonable explanation I can come up with other that than the operator of said pile of crap is not nearly liquored up enough to operate it. I really don’t think knitting and sobriety were meant for each other. Yes, Diana, I'm going to name a cocktail after you yet...

I've had a multitude of go-arounds with this thing today and yesterday. At the end of it, I can say I'm down two skeins of Briggs & Little yarn and I managed to ruin the finish on the dining room table marking the punch cards. Don't involved a Sharpie marker and a moron who forgot that the little punchie card blanks have little holes in them.

So, I’m grabbing my sticks, my string, and a bottle of vodka. I’m putting my feet on the coffee table, I’m going to go knit something that won’t make me swear. And I’m going to watch death, chaos, destruction and murders and other wholesome diversions. And if the OddBall IT and Technical Support Division doesn’t like it, he can just go do laundry or something equally useful.

Talk at you’se all laters, possibly after Detox; thanks for reading.

PS: That new Cranberry Sparkle 7 Up…excellent with vodka. Beats Fruitopia by a mile.


At 7:51 p.m., November 13, 2005, Anonymous Diana said...

There are times when I'm thankful the weekend is only two days long... And it's no coincidence that frog is a four letter word beginning with the letter F.

At 9:28 p.m., November 13, 2005, Blogger Satori said...

PS: That new Cranberry Sparkle 7 Up…excellent with vodka.

I can't begin to tell you how excited I am about this ;-) Sounds perfect for my holiday party drink this year. Of course I'll have to gather the girls and we will have to try it out a "few" times to make sure.

At 11:33 p.m., November 13, 2005, Blogger lucia said...

Check for damaged needles!

At 1:47 a.m., November 16, 2005, Blogger Liz said...

I agree, frog is a four letter word. I refuse to get into the frogging. wool is cheap, life is short. more than six rows of frogging is torture. The geneva convention does not allow torture so therefor .,.. buy new yarn, frog no more


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