Saturday, January 21, 2006

Crochet Hell


Who's idea was this anyway?


My last attempt at crocheting was so successful that you’d think at least a calendar year would pass before I’d pick up one of those hooks and have at it again. For the record, I don’t do it well, and furthermore I hate doing it.

So why, after the passage of a mere ten months, have I picked up those dreaded hooks again? Well, it’s that damn shawl, that’s what it is. After several months of swatching, ripping, tearing and swearing, I finally had the OddBall epiphany on the subject. I’m doing it all wrong. Start OVER.

It’s not that I can’t come up with a border for that shawl. There are a zillion lace edgings, border patterns in existence, and I’ve seriously considered screaming “what the hell?“ and just finishing the shawl. Then it would be down to ‘point,click and ship’ to the Colorado and it would be out of my life, forever. But nooooooo, my issue has been I’ve got a picture of this thing in my head and I’ve been trying to knit the string to make it match what’s in my head. It finally dawned on me that what’s in my head is not knitted. It’s filet crochet, which is all good and fine, except I don’t do crochet.

Apparently I do now. Here’s a puzzler for you. How come when the Voices talk to other people, they get told to commit heinous acts of violence and mayhem and I get told to take up crochet? What? I'm not good enough for the mayhem and pillage team? Hold that thought -- menopause is right around the corner. Fertility drugs made me homicidal. I can hardly wait to that next bit starts.

In any event, back to the issue at hand… the damn shawl. The first bit of this weekend has been spent learning to crochet. Yet again. I have to learn how to do it every time this madness overtakes me. The rest of the weekend has been spent swatching. I think we’re committed to the 2 mm hook. The scary bit is that I have to do this without a prescription for Paxil. Or Oxycontin. There’s something wrong with this here picture, somewhere, but I haven’t figured it all out yet.

Okay, it’s bloody cold out today which reminds me there is a naked and shivering pig in Halifax waiting patiently for Auntie Kate to get her act together. Today’s project is to walk away from the crochet and finish poor Willie’s jacket.

Talk to you’se all laters; thanks for reading.

7 Comments:

At 12:38 PM, January 22, 2006, Blogger Severina said...

My voices tell me to crochet too but they tell me to do it with sewing thread and a size 14 hook. Cripes, I've got a filet crochet camisole I've been working from a 1915 pattern for say, four years--no months, with a gauge of seven squares per inch. Kill me now.

Your swatches don't look wrong, maybe they just feel all wrong somehow because you hate the process.

At least your medications are Canadian prices!

 
At 2:08 PM, January 22, 2006, Blogger Kate, the Odd Ball Knitter said...

Ohhhhhhhhh yeah, that bastard voice...I smacked that smart arse over the head with a frying pan and drowned him in a vodka bottle. Fixed him.

 
At 2:19 PM, January 22, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

FILET CROCHET #1
CHAIN SAY 20,, COUNT BACK 6 STITCHES,DOUBLE CROCHET IN STITCHE NO 6, CHAIN 2, LEAVE 2 SPACES AND DOUBLE CROCHET IN 3RD STITCH, CHAIN 2, LEAVE 2 SPACES, DOUBLE CROCHET IN 3RD STITCH, REPEAT. IF YOU WANT TO FILL IN, 4 DOUBLE CROCHET IN NEXT 4 STITCHES, CHAIN 2, LEAVE 2 SPACES DOUBLE IN 3RD STITCH, CHAIN 2, DOUBLE CROCHET, CHAIN 2, REPEAT TO END, CHAIN 4, TURN AND GO TO THE FIRST DOUBLE CROCHET, THE CORNER WILL FORM.REPEAT AS ABOVE. DEPENDING WHERE YOU FILL IN, WILL FORM YOUR PATTERN. I HAVE SPENT MANY YEARS DOING CROCHET FILET,I NOW MAKE MY OWN DESIGNS, USING GRAPH PAPER.EXCUSE MY ENGLISH I AM FRENCH. I AM THE ONE WHO WAS BLOGGING WITH JACKIE. IF I HAD A CAMERA I WOULD SEND PICTURES OF MY WORKS, BUT I DO NOT.. GOOD LUCK. HOPE THIS WAS HELPFULL. LOVE YOUR WORK..Once you manage to get the hang of it you can almost do it blind..I practice with my eyes closed , preparing for my very very old age...it is really easy

 
At 3:06 PM, January 22, 2006, Blogger Kate, the Odd Ball Knitter said...

With your eyes closed!!! Egads, woman, you are making me dizzy.

I think that's one of the reasons I hate crochet. I can (and have) knit in a movie theatre. I don't have to look at what I'm knitting. It's 90% done by touch. Chrochet, not so fast.

And then there's those little short hooks. They make my hand tired. I can't crochet for hours like I can knit. I know, practice, practice.

 
At 6:57 PM, January 22, 2006, Blogger Severina said...

I should start beating up on my little voices. They make me go on eBay and bid on more fool itty-bitty vintage crochet pattern crap. Then they convince me that I need another 100 year old stupid thing to wear.

I am a slave to the voices!

 
At 8:18 PM, January 22, 2006, Blogger Kate, the Odd Ball Knitter said...

Hmmmmmmm, Serverina...I think that means you need more vodka. In fact, I'm sure that's what it means.

 
At 11:03 PM, January 22, 2006, Blogger Severina said...

Hmmm, there seems to be a shortage of alcohol and illegal drugs around my place. Those voices are screaming for the wrong stuff entirely.
That must be the reason I'm not getting a damn thing done around here, not nearly enough Guinness.

 

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home